Today marks three years of marriage for AJ and I.
What to tell you about that time… How to extract the important essence of our struggles and our joys?
I wish I knew!
Instead I’m going to pass on something I’ve learned for every year we have been married: three lessons, three years.
Say I love you and say I’m sorry
Just because you both know you love each other doesn’t mean saying it is pointless. Sometimes all a situation needs is an “I love you”. A bad day can melt away with just those three words. Then sometimes you end up needing to say I love you and I’m sorry in the same sentence. AJ and I both are very stubborn, opinionated lovely people. Unfortunately, we can’t both always be right. When one of us was wrong, said or did something hurtful, we really need to hear the other person say I’m sorry. Acknowledging that you made a mess of things is what lets us move on from a fight.
Oh, and food always helps too.
It’s not about what you say, it’s about how you say it.
I can’t count the times a fight started because one of us said something in a way that offended the other. Maybe we are a little hot headed but your tone and the words you pick when you talk to someone else do make a big difference in how they receive what you said. Phrasing concerns and needs with love and gentleness goes a long way towards preserving harmony.
Take care of yourself first or you’ll have nothing to offer anyone else.
All of these were hard for me to learn but this one has probably been the hardest. I’m by no means a hold your hand let-me-get-you-a-glass-of-water wife and I’m sure I won’t be that kind of mother either, but I still forget that AJ and anyone else for that matter really has no idea what I’m thinking and probably only have the faintest idea of what I need.
It doesn’t matter how much someone loves you, you have to put yourself and your relationship with god as a top priority. You gotta take care of your needs or pretty soon you will find that you gave and gave and now there's no energy , no purpose and really just nothing at all left of you. I do not think loosing who you are to another person or anything else for that matter is ok. So weather if it's taking a long shower, reading a book, planting some flowers (which the bees appreciate too you know!), cuddling a sundry baby animals, going to church, hiking, chocolate, massages, pedicures or all of the above, do something for yourself and I promise you will have so much more to give your spouse and everyone else and you will do it much more cheerfully.
Three years of marriage is not very long in the greater scheme of thing. I only hope I will have many more years with this awesome human being god has set beside me in life.
What advice do you have for us, or for anyone else to help a marriage be happy and strong?
Our wedding was photographed by Jessica Rose at Vol. 25 please go check out her Shop and Facebook page too!
This post is participating in the Share Your Cup blog hop, check it out to find other great blog hops like ours!
What to tell you about that time… How to extract the important essence of our struggles and our joys?
I wish I knew!
Instead I’m going to pass on something I’ve learned for every year we have been married: three lessons, three years.
Say I love you and say I’m sorry
Just because you both know you love each other doesn’t mean saying it is pointless. Sometimes all a situation needs is an “I love you”. A bad day can melt away with just those three words. Then sometimes you end up needing to say I love you and I’m sorry in the same sentence. AJ and I both are very stubborn, opinionated lovely people. Unfortunately, we can’t both always be right. When one of us was wrong, said or did something hurtful, we really need to hear the other person say I’m sorry. Acknowledging that you made a mess of things is what lets us move on from a fight.
Oh, and food always helps too.
It’s not about what you say, it’s about how you say it.
I can’t count the times a fight started because one of us said something in a way that offended the other. Maybe we are a little hot headed but your tone and the words you pick when you talk to someone else do make a big difference in how they receive what you said. Phrasing concerns and needs with love and gentleness goes a long way towards preserving harmony.
Take care of yourself first or you’ll have nothing to offer anyone else.
All of these were hard for me to learn but this one has probably been the hardest. I’m by no means a hold your hand let-me-get-you-a-glass-of-water wife and I’m sure I won’t be that kind of mother either, but I still forget that AJ and anyone else for that matter really has no idea what I’m thinking and probably only have the faintest idea of what I need.
It doesn’t matter how much someone loves you, you have to put yourself and your relationship with god as a top priority. You gotta take care of your needs or pretty soon you will find that you gave and gave and now there's no energy , no purpose and really just nothing at all left of you. I do not think loosing who you are to another person or anything else for that matter is ok. So weather if it's taking a long shower, reading a book, planting some flowers (which the bees appreciate too you know!), cuddling a sundry baby animals, going to church, hiking, chocolate, massages, pedicures or all of the above, do something for yourself and I promise you will have so much more to give your spouse and everyone else and you will do it much more cheerfully.
Three years of marriage is not very long in the greater scheme of thing. I only hope I will have many more years with this awesome human being god has set beside me in life.
What advice do you have for us, or for anyone else to help a marriage be happy and strong?
Our wedding was photographed by Jessica Rose at Vol. 25 please go check out her Shop and Facebook page too!
This post is participating in the Share Your Cup blog hop, check it out to find other great blog hops like ours!
Don't let yourself go. Don't lay around in pajamas all day (those of us homesteading are too busy to do that!). The husband is head of the household (after God) and, though your input is wanted, he makes the final decision. Have your own interests, friends, hobbies, etc. Laugh lots together. Get out of your comfort zone. If you're a planner, do something spontaneous. Surprise him with little things, like bring him a beverage when he's working hard, or make lunch and do a picnic on the porch during a break in chores. Just some thoughts.
ReplyDeleteSuch wise things to have learned in only three years of marriage. The last one has a lot to do with Share Your Cup. Not in a selfish way, but I truly believe that you have to make yourself happy before you can help to make others happy. It's important to not depend on others for our happiness. Hubby and I will celebrate our 42nd wedding anniversary in Aug. Still saying that we love each other and I am still learning. lol! Love your wedding photo! Thanks for sharing with SYC.
ReplyDeletehugs,
Jann
Aw thanks! I agree, you have to first make yourself happy before you can make others happy. I'm sure I will still be learning when I've been married as long as you have, lol. Thanks for your sweet comment, see you again soon!
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